Growing Up and New Year Resolutions.

The year 2013 ushered in loud voices in my head, banging and screaming. You’re going to be 30! Can you believe you’re finally going to end up lonely and miserable?! You have no children! Perhaps you should give your womb up to charity! You’re so fat and ugly! What happens to you now?! I’m the type of that makes lists and writes New Year resolutions... My writer friend asked me earlier in the year. ‘April, what are your plans for the New Year?’ ‘Are you talking about my blog or just me?’ She’s a feature writer on my blog; I thought she was interested in what I'd lined up for the blog. ‘I just need to pass all my exams this year,’ I replied. In August, 2012 while on holiday to Lomé, I took a conscious effort to think about what I’d like to do before the year ran out. Part of my plan was to improve my skills as a Human Resources person. The corporate world is highly competitive and I don’t want to wait till I get the ‘sorry, you cannot be promoted due to your current qualification’ mail. I decided to enroll for the MSc. program. I chose to study online because I couldn’t afford to travel and come back job-hunting all over again. I realised that if I’d gone back to school immediately after I graduated from the University, I would have made a wrong career choice. All my life, I’ve always wanted to be a journalist. I was involved in everything related to that profession from primary school till going for the compulsory youth service program. I remember my mentor at CNN doing all she could, from editing my cover letter to coaching me on what I needed to do. Even though my holiday job was paying me N50, 000, I left and took the N10,000 offer as a youth corper. ‘I want to believe that you know what you’re doing because I don’t understand why you want to dump a better paying job for the stipend you’re being offered,’ My mother warned though she gave me her full support eventually. Three months after I started the youth service program at Silverbird Television, Lagos, I was robbed at gunpoint twice on my way to work. Getting robbed while I couldn’t replace all that was forcefully taken from me with my N10,000 salary changed my orientation about following my dreams, being happy and making a life. I was looking forward to be being a full-blown journalist at the end of the youth service program but looking and listening to the permanent workers woes put me off. I figured at 26, I wouldn’t want to have their kind of lifestyle. I believe passion should constantly put a smile on your face not otherwise. I stopped going to STV immediately after the incident as I wasn’t ready to die for Nigeria. My experience being a Production Assistant was exciting, fun and challenging. I woke up every morning looking forward to going to work, writing, doing research and meeting people. I was always in the best of spirits even though my meager salary could not keep me for a week. I started writing after I left STV for Reddington Hospital to complete the youth service program, the comments on my skills was sunshine to my cloudy days. I enrolled online at the London School of Journalism with my meager salary for a short course in Creative Writing, and I had the best tutor ever! Right now, I’m currently in the Oil & Gas sector working as a Trade Operator and running my MSc. in Human Resources on the side. I update my blog from time to time when I have weeks off school and work duties. 2013 is an awareness for me that I’m going to be highly successful both on my job, in school and life because I’m putting my best to living each day at its best. I’m at the age where I made a  lot of promises in the past, one of those promises was that if I was still single at 30, I’d try online dating with many of my interesting readers. I’ve had a bout of terrible, funny and unpleasant dating experiences in the past --someone thought I should marry him because he’s British and another man believed I would be better off as a full housewife at my age, and another who thought he couldn’t date me ‘cause my job was shitty at Reddington, I wasn’t driving my own car and never been out of my country.’ See! I’m also at the age where according to scientific justifications; I’d better hurry up if I want to bear children later in life. I’ll say to my brand new self that at this stage, it’s really not that bad. I’ve done pretty well for myself and I’m content with the life I’m living. I’m not going to be single forever, I’m still going to attain greatness, see the world more than I’ve seen, and have beautiful babies for the man that I’m in love with. I might not be where I want to be, but thank God, I’m not where I used to be. I’m okay, and I’m on my way! No resolutions, just living each day, knowing I must be better than the day before.

My Life Living with the Sickle Cell Disease.

My name is Dotun, 5th and 1st born of dad and mum respectively.  I’m a 28yr old registered nurse living with the sickle cell disease. When @phaozy came to me to tell her more about SCD, I smiled and wondered what there was to tell. I never saw this condition as something so big because I naturally do not see a reason to brood over things that cannot be changed.  Of course, as a child I understood my limitations and felt bad about it but I got over it eventually. [caption id="attachment_4110" align="alignleft" width="271" caption="sickle cell center"][/caption]   As a nurse, I care for patients as due. As someone that has the same condition, I see it as a phase and I'm like "you'll get over it soon". Pain is described as what the patient says it is and so it should be treated as such. Re-hydration, rest, and medications are some of the lines of management.     As a kid, playing football and engaging in some other activities with friends was fun but I discovered others could go out to repeat the same activities the next day while I remained on the bed for days rolling in pain.  I knew there was a difference between me and other kid.  Mum made me feel different amongst siblings, though unconsciously. The “don’t do that, you can’t do this” situation made me feel different. She lost 2 children, 1 to the condition and the other before the genotype could be ascertained.  I played with friends to any level I wanted to, I might not just be able to get up the next day. I have had days too that while playing I go into crisis. Growing up, I missed school on many occasions but it never affected my grades and scores. I had a way of making the top three.  As a result of my good performance, there was less chance for discrimination amongst my peers. In my junior secondary 1 and 2, I have had to struggle to remain in the 13th, 12th and 11th position on some occasions but this wasn’t because of my condition.     Post Secondary education, yes it affected because I felt relaxed like “I really need not struggle, I have my mum”. That got to my head, I didn’t take exams seriously, I failed JAMB a couple of times and when I eventually had the opportunity of gaining admission into a federal polytechnic outside Lagos, I wasn’t allowed to go. I had to settle for a college of education which I was going to from home. It took a while before I realized that I owned my life and mum would not be available forever.     Did I ever blame my parents? At the peak of some painful crises, I may have done so unconsciously but at some other fun times, my mum and I sometimes joke about that. I say stuffs like:  “you have used the love that was worrying you to cause ‘wahala’ for me”.  I had the first crisis when I was 4, according to my parents and I have had crises of varying degrees. I don’t know which I could call the worst but really, I don’t remember the experiences. I guess for me, the memory only lasts as long as the pain. *smiles*.     In my early days in school, precisely, primary and junior secondary school days, I was bullied, I mean bullied in the real sense of the word. I have yellow eyeballs that change from light to deep based on my state of health but never been white. I had a very big tummy and my growth was stunted. I remember a particular girl that called me ‘Oloju Green’ i.e. green eyeballs.   Based on academic performances and consistency, I was made the Head boy in secondary school but it was hell. Even junior students threatened to deal with me basically because of my stature.     Looking back, I see how normal it would have been for primary and secondary school children to deal with such funny look especially when there was no form of education that tended towards that.     Talking about relationships, my self confidence was missing. I couldn’t walk up to any girl, my size and tummy didn’t let me and some that I was able to talk to just saw me as a joke. I didn’t see that as discrimination at the time. It’s in the past now anyway.   I have never had difficulty talking about this condition. I mean, I never hid it from people around me.  I have built a support system, made friends and I have contacts of people living with SCD that rolls into twenties if not more and finally I know more about the disorder because of my profession.   The feeling of not being in it alone, the fact that I can explain what is happened to the cells and what is happening in the body tissues at the time of crisis makes it easy to talk about it. When you ask if it makes sense for two carriers of the sickle cell disease to get married, hmmm, SS and AS genotype people are all out for AAs, how many AAs could there possibly be?   I have been at this point before. I am SS and was in a relationship with a girl who is AS. I saw a wife in her and that was what mattered only that she wasn’t willing to go the marriage line. I know of an SS who married an AS and they are happy together. Children come after marriage, a good marriage is first the husband and the wife who love and understand themselves. I don’t subscribe to having children with SS because of love. The pain is not something children should be subjected to but I appreciate it when couples love and understand themselves. Adoption is an option for me or even remaining together without children. It’s not an easy decision to make but understanding matters a lot.   As someone living with SCD, you need to understand that living with sickle cell builds courage, determination, endurance and perseverance. Discover these strengths. The truth is we can do anything we want to do but MODERATION is key. Learn to pace yourself and understand what works for you. Follow your doctor’s orders but you could be a deviant sometimes, it makes it all fun.

Ready for a Detox?!

It's 100 awesome days left to my birthday!! I can't believe how fat I've grown! I'm not sure what happened along the way but one thing is sure, I'm losing all the fatness before April! Is it too much food, too much booze? Not sure about the booze! So much time eating junk and I'm starting to sprout especially my waistline and tummy! I started the brand new year on a good note yesterday. I met up with an old friend at the Cold Stone Creamery without having a scoop of the yummy chocolatey goodness! I rather focused on our conversation rather than drool on the JUNK! Do you feel heavy, sluggish or even guilty about the amount of food we have eaten and drunk over the Christmas holidays? Well, you are not alone…I must have gained over 3kg! I have just signed up for a 21-day detox on Get In Shape to kick-start my weight loss. But is this a good idea? Is it really necessary to eat like a rabbit to get back on track? I'll leave that for you to answer although I don't plan on going back to eating like a rabbit! I intend to make eating healthy and working out at least 3 times a week part of my lifestyle once I'm done with the Detox. You should be warned however; Detox diets may seem like a good idea but they are NOT long-term solutions! After my 21-day detox with lots of fluids and veg, I'll resume at the gym with the Insanity Work-Out to work on my beach body for my fabulous moment in April! I can't wait, really!!! Who is with me?!

There's a good thing about 2013!!

Straight From The Heart!!!

Dear Readers, The year 2012 was a great one, despite all the storms and wishes of ‘what could have been’, a critical look at the resolution  we made before the year began, and the  shortfall of not achieving  half of our intentions still adds up to have made the year a beautiful one. At aprillaugh.com we want to state our gratitude.  We want to thank you for being consistently consistent. You have always been there from the inception of this blog, saw those typographical errors and ignored it, even when the stories does not seem to be what the subject captured, and the days/month…. of our disappearing acts, when we took a long break without your prior knowledge, you just stopped hearing from us, who does that anyway?*winking* we are soooo sorry*on bended knees* For me, I got insanely busy with life, April is also back to school and most of us thought we could no longer move on…   Thank you for being there. I remembered when I received a call from one of my girlfriends  and she asked if I was not writing again, thank God she wasn’t there physically with me to see my shameful look, I quickly apologized and promised her that she would read from me soon. And yes, she did!  Thank you for putting me on my toes when I felt the ground was slipping beneath me. You all have been a constant reminder of living your dream and living it to the fullest!  And just so you know, we are truly grateful that you give us opportunities to serve you.   It was a wonderful year at aprillaugh.COM.  Like you, we’ve had our ups and downs.  But overall, the balance sheet tells us that we were moving in the right direction.  2012 was our best year, we can't but thank you for that!   Looking ahead, we all have the extraordinary opportunity to permit God’s power to flow to and through us toward a specific end.   We have set targets for 2013 that both scare and excite us.  And we are certain that by working in harmony with God’s laws every target we set will manifest in form and right on schedule. We promise to serve you better and we pledge our allegiance and promise you that next year, we all would be having a wonderful time and yes, you sure would be looking forward to our write-ups as we would be feeding you on a full balanced diet.   We want to do it better next year, so we need you to help us know how…. aprillaugh@gmail.com, funso.akinola@gmail.com, tiemokori@gmail.com, crosssis@yahoo.com. Your comments/suggestions would be highly appreciated. We want to encourage you to reevaluate your goals for 2013.  Regardless of what they are, permit us to suggest that you stretch them.  Add 10, 25 or 50 percent to them.  If your old conditioning is telling you not to, you know you are on the right track.   God bless you abundantly.  We wish you nothing but the best for this brand New Year.   With love, ALL OF US!!!

How do you know when a man loves you?

I was reading Steve Harvey’s book few weeks ago –Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man- if you haven’t read it send your email address to me! I don’t know how some are satisfied being the invisible woman in a relationship. This is what you need to know if you suffer from delusions in your relationship.   “If your man loves you, he’s willing to tell anybody and everybody, “Look, man, this is my woman” or “this is my girl,” “my baby’s mama,” or “my lady.” In other words, you will have a title—an official one that far extends beyond “this is my friend,” or “this is__________ (insert your name here).” That’s because a man who has placed you in the most special part of his heart—the man who truly has feelings for you—will give you a title. That title is his way of letting everyone within the sound of his voice knows that he’s proud of being with you, and that he has plans for you. He sees himself in a long-term, committed relationship with you, and he’s professing it for all to hear because he’s serious about this thing—it may be the beginning of something special.   A man who professes you as his own is also saying in not so many words that he’s claiming you—that you are his. Now he’s put everyone on notice. Any man who hears another man say, “this is my lady,” knows that whatever games/tricks/plans/schemes he may have had in mind for the pretty, sexy lady standing in front of him need to be shelved until the next single woman comes in the room, because another man has professed out loud that “this one is mine and she’s not available for anything you were plotting and planning.” It’s a special signal we men all recognize and respect as the universal code for “off-limits.”   If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have no doubt that’s all you are. He doesn’t think any more of you than that. In your heart of hearts, ladies, you all know this. You need the ultimate profession, you deserve clarity. I’m yet to meet a woman who doesn’t ask questions: Where is this going? Am I the one? What’s in the future for us? It doesn’t make you desperate; you need to see clearly before he takes you for a ride! Pay attention!   So, if you’ve been dating a guy for at least ninety days and you’ve never met his mother, you don’t go to church together, you haven’t been around his family or his friends, and he took you to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your name, then you’re not in his plans—he doesn’t see you in his future. But the minute he assigns a title—the moment he lays claim to you in front of people who mean something to him in his life, whether it’s his boy, his sister, or his boss—that’s the minute you know your man is making a statement. He is professing his intentions for you—and professing them to the people who need to know that information. A profession is key—you will  know if a man is serious about you once he claims you.